The Stone

Tonight, I was once again home alone and since our borrowed internet has decided to work again I was going through some of my old posts-it's a lot of fun to see everything I was really excited about in the last few months.

I found my post about Marcel's Senior Project (he wrote a piece of music, taught it to students, and then conducted them in concert) and it reminded me that I just found an old email in my inbox with a link to a youtube video of Pacific's Senior Project Day that is set to the piece he wrote. I figured that if I put it into my blog, I can find it whenever I want to feel overly proud of my amazing husband.
This video is not just about his presentation; his music just plays throughout it and he is credited at the end, still enough to be proud of

He named his piece The Stone because it was his capstone project, just in case any of you were curious!

Mysterious Message

Yesterday morning I was on my way back from Banana, anxious for my nap, and listening to K-LOVE, my new found love in radio. I heard that Steven Curtis Chapman was going to be on but I didn’t hear when. I was hoping that I’d hear it because he is my all-time favorite Christian music artist. On my way to the gym, my radio turned on to K-LOVE and it was Steven Curtis Chapman! His new song, Heaven is the Face, is about his little girl dying. His whole interview was about her dying and how they are coping still after 18 months. All he could say over and over is that there are still hard days and very hard days but each day they are reminded that they will be reunited and that is enough to get them through the difficult times.

He also spoke of his tattoo of her drawing—a six petal flower, with only 1 petal colored in, with the word SEE. He explained it as the sign from God that everything would be okay, that his family would get through the tragedy. He has 6 children, 1 of which has gone to Heaven, that’s the petal that’s colored. We can never reach completion in this life and it isn’t until we return to our Father. SEE was a word she had just learned to write but it spoke volumes of saying see I’m in a better place.

I spent my 30 minute drive crying along to the radio, and the DJs who were also crying. Lately I’ve felt that life has been rough for me—my jobs keep me way too busy for way too little money, my house never looks how I want it to, I don’t see my husband enough, etc… but this whole conversation spoke to me. There are people who have it way harder than I do, and they may even be in my apartment complex. I have 2 jobs at a time when many people have none. I have a place to live when many people don’t. I have food in my cupboards and fridge when many people can’t afford groceries. I have a loving, supportive husband and family when many people are losing their loved ones.

This was a message I needed to hear. It is something I’ve been praying about and having Marcel pray for me about. God works in mysterious ways and allowed me to hear the message I have needed to hear to come from someone I admire. I feel relieved to realize again that I am blessed beyond measure by a God who will never forsake me.

This Place...

In my last post I said that I could not have possibly caught up on the 2 years I hadn't written in my journal, but I did write about what I was feeling at that time. Again, I said last time that it is already packed up but what I wrote about is still tugging on my heart, so I'm writing about it again...

I had spent the day packing up and while I am excited beyond belief to be moving I was getting very emotional for the following reasons:

• This place has been my home for over 5 years
• This place is where all my closest friends are
• This place is what brought Marcel and I together (I didn't reread this far back in my journal, but I know that as a senior in high school, I was scared about picking a college because I had hoped and dreamed that would be the place God would show me my husband, and at 18 that thought was scary!)
• This place is where Marcel and I have spent our entire relationship: dating, engaged, and now married
• This place allows me to visit our wedding site whenever I want...nothing is as good as going back to campus and walking through the place we exchanged our wedding vows and remembering the excitement of that day!
• This place has changed me into the person I am today

Even with all of that and some things I will miss about Forest Grove (I have a draft of a post I'll publish when it gets closer to moving day) I am super excited to be returning to Idaho, closer to my family after these last 5 years of being gone. I am forever grateful for everything Forest Grove and Pacific University has done for me and could see us ending back in this area God-willing, but for now my time here is complete and I need to head somewhere else to keep growing in my relationships with my husband, my parents, my sisters, and of course God.

Reflections

2 days ago (who really knows though because my days have been all screwed up lately!) Marcel told me that he had run across my journal while looking for a notebook to take to his conference. He didn't want to tell me because he thought I might be mad at him for reading part of it and at first I was a little hurt, but I have no secrets so then I was just intrigued by what he found. He told me that he was reading from the end of my sophomore year, which is when our relationship started. He was getting very emotional (but that is just between you and me!) telling me about it, and even said that it made him fall more in love with me. All he really told me was he could tell how excited I was for our relationship, my first ever!

Today I was trying to be very productive, which I think I accomplished, except instead of looking a place of employment in Idaho, I started packing. Knowing we haven't touched our bookshelf since we moved in, that's where I started, so I too ran across my journal. I was surprised to find I hadn't written in it since July 2007! I went digging for the entry that first talked about Marcel--sometime in May 2006. I read through the rest of the journal and was also very fascinated with what Marcel had just read.

Some things that really stuck out to me:

• I had some doubts at the beginning, mainly during our first 3 months together since we were starting a relationship long distance, but once we were both back at school, things turned out great!
• I had very great friends who were there for me 100% when I need someone to talk through my feelings with
• I have been able to talk completely openly and honestly with Marcel from the beginning
• I had been very anxiously waiting him to say "I Love You" for a few weeks before it finally came on November 2, 2006...Kelly had told me not to say it before 6 months of dating to make sure I truly meant it, and Marcel respected that so he waited as long as he could before he finally said it, just 20 days early, but I know for sure that we both meant it ;)
• I had started to think about us getting married earlier in our relationship than I would have thought
• I was super excited to get good reviews from my family the first time Marcel made the trip to Idaho with me, which sealed the deal for me in a way
• I was grateful to be able to spend so much time by his side in the hospital during the liver tumor fiasco of 2007...we spent so much time joking that he'd have plenty of time to repay me as he stood by my side as I was delivering our children
• I was expecting a proposal on our first anniversary, just 16 months earlier than when it finally came

It also made me realize that we've nearly been together 3.5 years and what a ride it has been! Those were my reflections on the past and this is my glimpse into the future, trying to remember that we are not in control of any of it and we'll continue to gladly take what ever God chooses to hand us.

• Moving to Idaho, because all we've ever known together is the wonderful college town of Forest Grove
• Following Dave Ramsey's plan for our Total Money Makeover, and choosing to live like no one else so one day we can live like no one else
• One day becoming Mom and Dad, in addition to being Husband and Wife, something my mom is anxiously awaiting!
• Growing closer together each day of what I've made Marcel promise to be at least 60+ years!

And in case you were wondering, I didn't think I could possibly catch up my journal from the last 2 years, so I just started up again like no time had passed, and then packed it up promising myself that when we are in Idaho and I'm unpacking I'll be able to write about our first Christmas as a married couple, hopefully enjoying a beautiful white Christmas in Idaho!

I Miss My Husband!

This week I feel like I have done nothing but work. I usually feel this way, but this week was even more so. I had Monday off from Banana but was at the gym that night, but then spent the next 4 days at both jobs. Again, this is nothing new except the days were so much longer. In my 4 days at Banana I worked 33 hours, starting at 6am most days. I would love to start my day early so I could be off early, but in my current job situation it is not ideal. Not getting home from the gym until nearly 9pm makes it very hard to get rested enough to be up at 4:45am!

This week's craziness has also been hard because it has kept time with Marcel to a minimum. Tuesday and Wednesday he is in class until at least 9:30pm and I was trying to be in bed around then. And now that I have tonight and tomorrow off and am actually home, Marcel is attending a conference in Portland and won't be home until around midnight. Oh, what it would be like to have dinner together again!

We still have no idea what either one of us will be doing for employment once we move to Idaho, but I'm hoping that our jobs will allow us to spend time together like we did while we were dating and engaged.

Happy Halloween

Our lives have been so busy that we nearly forgot about Halloween this year. I believe it was Monday night when we looked at our weekly calendar and realized we had made it to the week of Halloween and so we tried to find time to carve a pumpkin, deciding on Friday night, only to realize a few hours later that my crazy work schedule wouldn't allow it: I worked 4-7pm and then 8pm-2am. Plus Friday we went to Safeway for pumpkins and they had none. Between work last night I went to Fred Meyer and they had just a handful of very destroyed pumpkins. This led us to the decision of not having any this year. I'm very sad about today being Halloween and I'm not going to be carving a pumpkin this year. We have decided that our life will be a bit different and maybe the jobs we'll have in Idaho will allow a decent amount of time to spend together so we don't forget about holidays!

Speaking of Idaho, we're planning on being there in 7 weeks from today, which means I only have 6 more weeks of work! And the way they have both been going I am so excited to be so close to being on to bigger and better things, even if I'm not quite sure what they entails.

Video

Ever since I heard this song on the radio Sunday I have had it stuck in my head. Instead of waiting another month before I hear it on the radio again, I googled it and found it on youtube, as a live performance. And now that it is on my blog, I can always know where to find it when I want to listen again!

Enjoy!

I'm Letting Go

On September 15th, I wrote a post entitled "A Life Changing Conversation" and the day when we had that conversation (I believe the post came a few days later) we got in the car after church and heard a song that cemented everything I had been feeling. I LOVE the feeling when music says so perfectly everything you are trying to say. If only I had one ounce of musical talent I'd like to think I would be a song writer, but that would probably also require having talent with words :)

I have been trying to remember anything about the song, since all I could remember was that it related to us giving our life over to God 100%. I have been boycotting country music to only listen to Christian music with the hopes of hearing it. Well, that day finally came and tonight heading home from my Holiday Quarterly Class at Banana, I heard just the opening music and knew it was the song I had so patiently been waiting for (ironically enough, that was the lesson I taught to my preschoolers at Sunday School this morning!)

I hope that one day I'll be able to look back at my blog and find good memories in each post. Maybe I'll even make it into a book or something, so I want to have the lyrics for the theme song from the early months of my marriage. I even hope that this song will continue to keep our relationship centered on what is truly important to us: God, each other, and those closest to us. I would love for this to be something we can look back on long after the song is off the radio and remember how excited we were to do just what Francesca Battistelli is singing about in this song.

I'm Letting Go

My heart beats, standing on the edge
But my feet have finally left the ledge

Like an acrobat
There’s no turning back

Chorus
I’m letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
Losing control
Of my destiny
Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go

This is a giant leap of faith
Trusting and trying to embrace

The fear of the unknown
Beyond my comfort zone

Chorus
I’m letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreamsLosing control
Of my destiny
Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go

Giving in to your gravity
Knowing You are holding me
I’m not afraid

Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
Feels like I’m falling and this is the life for me

Baby Step 1

Yesterday, Marcel called me and told me that he got a revised financial aid letter from school. His financial aid had already paid for the entire semester, but they "found" (I don't know the right word, but found works for me!) more grant money and he was awarded an additional $1,338! Because his account is already paid in full, the school will issue it to us as a check, usable however we see fit.


At first we were not quite agreeing on how to use the huge surprise. I wanted to pay off one of my smaller school loans; Marcel wanted to use it to buy the computer he has had his eye on: a Mac. It is something he will need but since school is no longer in the immediate future, I thought it was a want and not practical since our bonus wouldn't have even bought the whole thing. Where were we going to get that extra money?? I got to work at the gym and had an epiphany: if we are moving to Idaho to get ahead of our finances and are currently reading Dave Ramsey's The Total Money Makeover as our guide then we needed to follow the steps he sets out for us, so I realized we needed to start with Baby Step 1: Save $1,000 FAST!!


Marcel was able to pick me up from work after being at worship practice and said, "So...that money needs to be our emergency fund. We can't spend it!" Remember that I am super emotional, but I almost cried. I asked how he came to that realization. At worship practice they have a prayer time and his request was once again for finances. He explained that we are moving to Idaho for financial reasons and that set off a light bulb for him! So our plan is to tithe our 10% like we are called to do and then put away the money and forget about it until we encounter an emergency.


Just the other day I was telling Marcel how I was in the stage of knowing we have to tithe because we have seen the blessings but still always worrying how it was coming to be when I had to sit down and pay bills. I think this newest surprise was just what I needed. Previously we've seen it in a few extra dollars here and there but to receive such a huge amount at one time reassured me that everything goes according plan, not our plan, but His. We are loved by a very awesome God!


Now on to Baby Step 2: Debt Snowball!

October...so far

The first weekend of this month, Marcel had a concert, actually 2! Both his symphonic and jazz bands played and his mom was able to come down. Marcel had promised Snoh that after the concert he could go on stage. He found plenty of percussion instruments to try his hand at before having to stage for some pictures. This was my favorite! It was a decent weekend except I worked (made sure to have the night off for the concert) and Snoh was sick all day Saturday.

Friday, Marcel had no school so I made a big sacrifice and took the day off from both jobs :) He did end up having to spend some hours in the theater for one of his classes, but our night plans were not affected. We went to: on Sauvie Island. We planned on going there since Marcel had never been to a corn maze, but he and his friends voted for the haunted version, which I told him does not count as being to a corn maze, since they pretty much force you through the maze--not many opportunities to get lost. Maybe next year, while we are living in Idaho, he can FINALLY experience a real maze.

A real bonus to the maze: We ran into my old friend Megan! When we were trapped in the room at the beginning learning all the rules, I leaned to Marcel and said, "It's Megan" to which he said, "No it's not", but in fact it was and we were able to go through the maze together and had a few minutes to catch up afterwards. What a great surprise!

We got to the maze before his friends did so we were able to spend some time in the market and
take some pictures on our own. This is what we ended up with:


(I would like to point out that the picture of Marcel isn't as good but it wasn't my fault--he changed the flash setting for me!)

Fall is finally upon us and while I had plenty of jackets, that did not keep my nose from being cold. Marcel was just very grateful I remembered some gloves, because I am not a very happy cold person. While we were dying in our apartment in the 90+ degree summer weather I thought I was ready for the cold, but I have since decided the only good thing about this season is the crunchy leaves I get to step on (oh, and how pretty the trees are) but the weather is stinky!

We are having a great month so far and are very excited for what fun could still be had in this month! We are getting ready for our big move in December and can't wait for what that will bring us!